Mother’s Day 1967

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Photo by Gustavo Fring on Pexels.com
“All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother”- Abraham Lincoln

With Mother’s Day just around the corner, Little Darling was getting very excited because she had saved up enough money to give her Mom a big surprise.  Just a few days past she was at the hardware store with both her parents and Little Darling spotted the giant salt and pepper shakers.

Little Darling’s mother had been in such good spirits all week because her dad had bought her all new appliances for her kitchen.  They were one of the latest colors, which were mustard yellow, avocado green, and barn red.  Little Darling’s Mom picked mustard yellow.   Her mom even got her first spanking new dishwasher.  It was portable and even had a butcher block cutting board top.  Little Darling knew her Mom had wanted a dishwasher for a very long time.  It was so nice to see her Mom when she was happy.

As days went by Little Darling was having a hard time keeping her secret quiet.  It took a lot of inner strength, but she did not tell her older sister.  Little Darling finally thought she had found the perfect gift to make her mother smile on her special day.  She hoped so much her mom would love her present even better than her older sister’s gift.

That same day her neighbor friend Barbara knocked on the door and was picking her up, so they could walk to the hardware store together.  They both would pick out a gift for their mothers.  They headed out on the four-block trek.  Once they arrived at the store, it took Little Darling quite some time to decide on the perfect color for her mom.  Her choices were mustard yellow, avocado green, or barn red.  Finally, she picked the avocado green because the nice lady at the store said they would look lovely on the mustard yellow stove-top.  The Shakers were large and had handles on them.  Little Darling thought her mom would love them for cooking.  The lady asked them if the items they picked out were gifts and they told her yes.  She said since they are Mother’s day gifts she would wrap them extra special for them.   Once the presents were wrapped the young girls put their gifts in there carry bags they had brought to hide there presents from their families  The two girls had planned everything.   The two girls thanked the nice lady and set out on their journey home.

Barbara and Little Darling were about two blocks from home when down Little Darling fell.  She had tripped on the uneven sidewalk and skinned her knee in the fall.   Little Darling was absolutely devasted, as her little pal and her opened up the package to access the damage.  They discovered one shaker was cracked and broken.   Heart Broken the little girls decided to go back to the store and tell the kind lady what had happened.  Once back at the hardware store the lady said she did not have any more green shakers left but she had a red one that the match came in broken. when it was shipped.  She told little Darling she could have it.  The lady said Little Darling’s mom would like the set and it would look lovely in her kitchen.  Little Darling was so grateful for the ladies’ help, she even special wrapped them once again.  The girls thanked her once again and headed home.

Mother’s Day morning finally arrived and Little Darling was over the moon with excitement. She could not wait to see how surprised her mom would be when she opened the special gift.  Little Darling’s mom was surprised, she asked Little Darling why they were different colors and why they did not match.  Little Darling told her story with her family all around her.  Her mother’s response has haunted the child within for many years. “Oh, Little Darling you are such a Klutz”.  She can still hear her father and older sisters snickers.

We have all experienced shame in our lives, but not all have experienced debilitating shame. They are two different things.  It is an isolating experience like this example that makes a person feel completely alone, rejected, and abandoned.   Children depend on their parents for life support.  As time goes on debilitating shame is a state of self-hate and self-devaluation that is comparable to little else.  When Toxic Shame occurs all one’s vulnerabilities become exposed and magnified.  Little children come to believe others in their world view them with disdain and disgust.  All children just want to be accepted.  It is very easy to make children feel like they are mistakes and failures and to feel isolated and is especially true if you have an emotionally sensitive child.

It is Normal For Children to Have all Sorts of Fears as they Grow-up in this Mixed up Adult Digital World!

Photo by Tom Roberts

Living with emotions associated with fear is paralyzing to ones nervous system and the greatest stumbling block to health in general. – Little Darling

I cry everyday for our children . We are all victims of adults with no morels all over the internet. Scams Scams Scams the headlines read. Let’s buy our child some more technology, so they can be lost in the jaws of this consuming dragon. Screen time is one of the biggest issues children are dealing with in society today. What happened??? We used to go to the beach , the park , the ocean a Sunday car ride. Now we are out shopping for how to remove spyware that has been embedded all over our computers. What is real what is fake , how can we tell? Everyone wants to make money stealing other peoples ideas. I cry for the children. What is spyware you ask,? If you don’t already know you should get educated if you dare turn on your phone, television, your Echo Alexa or even your apple watch. Spyware is being used by everyone from jealous spouses to our nations leaders. Spyware is a software that installs itself on your computer and starts monitoring everything you do, Let’s just put the gun of technology right into our child’s little hands. I will write about spyware later , I want to support the children. I want the children to have a voice. You are there mirror. They learn by example.

It is proven that children’s brains on screen time look a lot like children’s brains on heavy drugs. Scientists are just starting to discover what that means. They are researching what increased dopamine can do to the brain. Screen time is proven to flood a child’s brain with the same feel good chemicals as drugs. If you read the articles written by psychologists they are stating the dopamine from screens is increasing the demand for gratification. Electronics are keeping your child’s brain in a chronic state of hyper-arousal. Some of the many symptoms this state can cause is not being able to interact socially with other children, they are unable to regulate their emotions and need to self-soothe. Their growing brains start to crave more dopamine. It is a child addiction, just like any other substance abuse. Their brains start to crave more dopamine while producing less naturally ,which they need to self-regulate. Let’s just mix in a little genetics and see what we create. What will happen to them as the years keep passing them bye.

Let’s go out and buy them another game or toxin to regulate the child’s developing addiction. Gaming addiction is now classified as a Mental Health Disorder. Mental Health is sky rocketing. People are experiencing it younger and younger . Video gaming screen time can be as addicting as gambling or snorting cocaine. Could your child be addicted to screen time? Do you mirror this addiction ? Are you checking your email and phone every five minutes. Is your attention always on technology are you super engaged in it?

Let’s all work on limiting a child’s screen time. In todays technical world children are spending an average of seven hours a day looking at screens. Health experts are recommending parent’s limit screen time to no more than two hours a day. Younger children between the ages of 2-5 ,they are recommend only one hour of screen time. Children need to experience other things in their day. Two much screen time can also develop poor sleeping habits, less energy and less focus . It is known these children are more likely to have symptoms of depression and anxiety. This younger generation is becoming less healthy and less happy.

Coach Kerrie

Copyright2020 Kerrie Meunier, Littledarlingsemotionalhealing.com All rights reserved.

Do you Manipulate a Child Through Guilt into Good Behavior?

Photo by Kat J

As Louise Hay, one of my greatest mentor’s would say “I value my freedom, so I neither give nor receive a guilt.” A guilty mind is very destructive. Guilt damages your self-worth and erodes your self-respect. When you live a life filled with guilt, it will flow into all your relationships. Guilt is the feeling we have when we’ve done something wrong.

It all began for me when the adults in my life treated my curiosity about the world as inappropriate. I was ignored, hushed up and my questions did not matter. I was also shamed, which is feeling wrong for simply existing. I developed many guilty feelings without even knowing the cause. I gave up my normal childhood curiosity in exchange for inappropriate feelings about myself. It has taken me many years to understand as an adult, that as a child, I sacrificed my normal interests and growth by putting everyone else first. I was even feeling guiltly, for actions and people over which, I had absolutely no control, but somehow thought it was all my fault. The voices No, no, no!, “Don’t say that” “You are so Stupid” ” Why can’t you be like your sister” kept ringing and ringing in my head, over and over.

When you grow-up feeling guilty you create situations in your life in which you will be accused. You become defensive and you also can overcompensate by giving others to much. When you grow-up made to feel guilty it is very difficult to see anything good in yourself, so you are compelled to do more to try and prove your innocence. It is such a whirlwind because the more you do the more guilty you feel. I have failed many relationships in my life because I took on the guilt that it was all me when something went wrong. The alcoholic, narcissistic voices, I kept in my head have destroyed, so many years of my life.

Parental consistency is the key to achieving a proper sense of initiative. Many children in dysfunctional homes with no balance in rules or amount of permission learn to form patterns, such as mine becoming overly people-pleasing, resulting in the subjugation of a normal childhood. Another pattern can be another child can imitate the behavior that she observes in the adults around her. Needless to say, children learn coping skills and the foundation is laid for repeating the behaviors of inappropriate adult role models.

I have learned, I am not guilty! Maybe, I am right, maybe, I could have done many things throughout my life differently, but this does not mean, I have to give myself a life sentence or a life term of proving, I am good. I have learned how to remove guilt by acknowledging to myself, when I have done something wrong and when possible, I try to make amends. Once this is done, I know I can let myself off the hook. This means that I will no longer beat myself up forever like I was taught. I now know it is a learning experience for me and it teaches me to try to make better choices next time. I now see myself as guilt-free and am devoted to reclaiming the innocence of my heart. I am working very hard at trying to live a guilt-free life! I will leave you with these three affirmations.

“My heart and mind are now filled with my higher self and I am a mighty reflection of God’s Happiness”

“My higher self keeps me strong and provides me access to creative wisdom”

And as Lousie Hay would say to release guilt “I love and accept myself exactly as I am.”

Wisdom Coach Kerrie

Copyright2020 Kerrie Meunier, Littledarlingsemotionalhealing.com All rights reserved.

Childhood tragedy can turn to long term Trauma

Fifty some long years ago when children could run and play and make it home by dinner time Little Darling experienced quite a traumatic day.  While out playing with a group of friends at the community pond, one of Little Darling’s friends challenged her to walk across the frozen pond that had a warning sign “keep off”.   Being the child she was becoming in her dysfunctional family dynamics.  The little Darling role was that of the“scapegoat” the child that acted out to try and gain attention from her parents.  She was always being rejected like she didn’t fit in.  Children develop self-esteem as early as five years old.  Little Darling had none.  Other children can pick-up on children who are insecure or have weaker personalities, they become the perfect victim for bullying.   What did she have to lose she thought at such an early age and just wanted to be accepted by her friends.   She took the challenge as her friends taunted her as she started across the pond.    When her friends went tobogganing at the hill or played kick the can in the summer with Little Darling’s older sister and her friends, her older sister would use social exclusion towards her to make sure Little Darling’s friends knew she was the hero, the better child and Little Darling was less of a person.  Little Darling ventures onto the frozen water at 6 years old she falls through the ice and was submerged up and over her head. Little Darling can remember hearing the group of kids screaming.  Somehow she was pulled from the pond.  Little Darling can not remember anything more except ending up in the hospital alone once again this time with pneumonia. How long would this child’s stay in the hospital alone this time would it be weeks?

Little Darling was in a situation where she feared for her life when she was so young, falling through the ice.  She remembers looking up to find the hole in the ice her snowsuit weighing her down and then just blank.

Little Darling most likely developed child traumatic stress after the event.  She does live in Fight or Flight mode in her Adult Life.   The lesson Little Darling wants to share with parents and caregivers is the importance of dealing with traumatic events as they happen and to get the child help to work through what has happened.  Just because the child appears normal or your life is busy this is not okay.

Signs of Traumatic Stress: Bedwetting, Your Child is using certain Key Words like worried, confused, annoyed or angry ” they do not know how to come to you and say”wow, I am sure stressed”, Physical Symptoms like headaches, chest pain, tummy aches, anxiety and fatigue, Aggression “An Aggressive Child is a Stressed Child”, Transient tic disorder”-like uncontrolled blinking or unusual physical patterns, or making incomprehensible noises, Interrupted Sleep.  Little Darling is not a Doctor but has many years of research under her belt to share to help children grow to be healthy adults.

 

Why Do Children Self-Soothe?

Photo by Michal Bar Heim

While growing up Little Darling developed a skill of self-soothing. Self-soothing is the ability to regulate one’s own emotions. This is a milestone that can’t be rushed. Young children rely on their parents and caregivers, to externally regulate their emotions for them until they are capable of doing it for themselves. Babies and toddlers depend on their caregivers for comfort. Little Darling would self-soothe when feeling lonely, hurt, scared or upset. Little Darling used to have a blankie and cuddled it ever night, it was calming and nurturing and helped Little Darling to settle down and sleep. Little Darling’s blankie was comforting to Little Darling like Linus’s blue security blanket in the Peanuts cartoon Charlie Brown. What Little Darling discovered in later years the character Linus van Pelt in the cartoon is actually a gifted child suffering from Schizotypal Personality Disorder. His older sister in the cartoon is Lucy who is a grumpy bossy sister. She often bullies others. Little Darling may have a few of the signs and symptoms of Schizotypical disorder. Little Darling is uncomfortable in some social situations and can have social anxiety at times. Another sign of this disorder is a lack of emotion or inappropriate emotional responses. Little Darling was never taught about feelings growing up and it did affect Little Darling in so many ways over the years. Little Darling was not allowed to express emotions or even have them. Little Darling’s older sister was Lucy in Little Darling‘s life.

One sunny day after coming into the house after playing outside in the sandbox, which was one of Little Darling’s most favourite things to do. Little Darling’s mother called Little Darling to come to the kitchen. In the kitchen also waiting was Little Darling’s older hero sister. Little Darling’s mother said you are just about 51/2 now Little Darling it is time to give up your blanket. Soon you will be going to school. Her mother was standing by the garbage can and Little Darling’s older sibling began laughing and teasing her and saying, Little Darling was a baby and had to give-up Little Darling’s blankie because Little Darling can’t go to school with it. Just like that, they were ordering Little Darling to put Little Darling’s beloved blanket into the garbage and that would be that. No preparation, no warning just you are too old for it. It is all tattered and torn you need to throw it in the garbage now. They were telling Little Darling to give up the only emotional support system, Little Darling new. The soft to touch, cozy, and cuddly blanket that Little Darling carried everywhere when needing some comfort and support and soothing. The blankie that relieved the discomfort and helps settle Little Darling and gave the false hope everything would be okay. Poor Little Darling was completely devastated, traumatized and emotionally neglected all at once and nobody cared. Because Little Darling was a December baby Little Darling’s parents had the choice to start her in school at 51/2 or wait another year. Emotionally, Little Darling was nowhere near being ready for school. However, Little Darling would be out from under Little Darling’s parent’s feet when being put in school. This was the start of never being as good as Little Darling’s older sister who started school at 61/2 and always being compared to everything Little Darling’s older sister did. The garbage was emptied that night and Little Darling’s precious little blankie never to be seen again. Over the year’s Little Darling found other ways to soothe the empty space inside.

Little Darling’s message to Parent’s and Caregiver’s, please understand when a child is self-soothing it could be a sign of distress. Also, never compare your children……

Today Little Darling is releasing herself from this past trash and will not let yesterday’s garbage influence her experiences today.