Embracing impermanence opens the doors of imagination and reveals what has always been there waiting to flourish.
— Oscar Wilde.
Little Darling is here to help educate Parents and Caregivers on the importance of teaching young children Emotional Intelligence. This skill is critical for living happy, fulfilling, productive lives. Little Darling is certain the reason we have so many people with Mental Health issues in society today is that many of these people missed learning this valuable skill in their early years. Feelings that are not physical; angry, sad, frustrated, glad, joy, gratitude, despair, shame- these are emotional feelings. We need to start explaining and teaching emotions as they are happening. Young children feel big emotions and need assistance in learning how to manage them. When a child doesn’t understand these feelings they are being stuffed down deep and are creating a backlog within the child as they grow. These stuffed feelings can raise themselves in many ways in the child’s adult life. Through Little Darling’s story, we explain the umpteen ways of not having this skill can affect a child’s life. Please also understand that Emotional Neglect is a parent’s or caregiver’s failure to respond enough to a child’s needs. It is their failure to act, to notice, attend to or respond appropriately to a child’s feelings. Join Little Darling on a mission of spreading the awareness and the seriousness of teaching little one’s Emotional Intellect. Let’s spare children from feeling disconnected, unfulfilled and abandoned. We together can help our kids identify their emotions and ultimately manage them to grow to be healthy adults.
In the last article we asked the question, does your child have yo-yo self-esteem? Recall that Yo-yo self-esteem occurs when children’s self-esteem rises and falls with the ups and downs of their lives (i.e. how they did in school, played in their soccer game, etc.).
We talked about how important it is for children to base their self-esteem on who they are and not on what is happening outside of them so that their self-esteem remains intact no matter what is going on in their lives.
Today we’ll learn three additional tips for supporting your kids in developing solid self-esteem that doesn’t rise and fall with the ups and downs of life:
The fourth tip is to encourage your kids to identify and honour their own uniqueness. We are all unique in our own special way. Have your kids brainstorm what they love about themselves – from their values to their character, to their gifts and talents. Have them make an “I love me!” poster which illustrates what they love about themselves. When kids focus on what they love about themselves, their self-esteem will soar.
Fifth, talk with them about the power of positive self-talk. What they say to themselves is more important than what anyone else says to them. When kids learn to talk to themselves with love, compassion, and support, their self-esteem will soar.
Finally, teach your children how to handle the “downs” in life. Teach them how to manage mistakes and failures so that they don’t define themselves by these
events. Teach them how to manage fear so that fear doesn’t keep them from their dreams. Teach them how to manage change so they feel powerful in their lives and see themselves as capable and worthy.
Learning to handle the “downs” in life as events, not only enhances self-esteem but also leads to powerful self-confidence as kids learn that they can handle anything that comes their way.
As we mentioned in the last article no matter how much we love our kids or how much time we spend with them, we can’t give them self-esteem, but what we can do is help them develop it in themselves. Start this week by sharing the six tips from these two articles.
Does your child’s self-esteem rise and fall with the grades she makes?
Do your child’s self-esteem rise and fall depend on who played with him at school that day?
Does your child’s self-esteem crumble if he makes a mistake?
If so, then your child is suffering from yo-yo self-esteem — self-esteem that rises and falls with the ups and downs of life.
How kids feel about themselves often depends on what is going on in their life – what is going on outside of them.
However, powerful self-esteem isn’t based on what is going on outside of you (what is happening in your life). Powerful self-esteem is based on what is going on inside of you — who you are and how you think about yourself.
When kids base their self-esteem on “who they are” then their self-esteem can remain intact no matter what is going on in their lives.
So if your children have yo-yo self-esteem, how do you help them shift from external focus to internal focus?
Here are the first three of six tips for helping your kids develop solid self-esteem that doesn’t rise and fall with the ups and downs of life:
First talk with them about what self-esteem is. Teach them that self-esteem is based on who they are, not what they do.
Second, teach them how to separate the results of an event from who they are. For example, if they fail a test, that is just an event – something that happened. Just because they failed a test, doesn’t mean they are a failure. It just means they didn’t learn the material well enough to get the right answers on the majority of the questions – that’s it. Let your kids know that it’s OK to feel down; however, there is a difference between feeling down about a bad grade and feeling down on yourself because of a bad grade. Help your children understand this distinction and their self-esteem will flourish.
Third, teach them about the dangers of comparison. When kids compare themselves to others – seeing themselves as “better than” or “less than” another, they are looking externally to determine how to feel about themselves. This sets them up for yo-yo self-esteem because they will feel good about themselves whenever they see themselves as “better than” another and they will feel bad about themselves every time they see themselves as “less than” another. This not only devastates self-esteem, but also creates jealousy, resentment, and a belief system of “not good enough”.
Unfortunately, self-esteem isn’t something you can give your kids; however, it is something you can teach them to develop in themselves. Start today by sharing these first three tips with them. In the next article, we will cover the last three tips.
Trauma almost always invariably involves not being seen, not being mirrored and not being taken into account. In the book “The Body Keeps Score”Bessel A. van der Kolkata, M.D. describes “Mindfulness “ is the ability to hover calmly and objectively over our thoughts, feelings and emotions. Traumatic experiences happen every day with children. They might have witnessed a car accident or a robbery while at the shopping store with you. Maybe your child saw a friend being bullied at school or a fight in the schoolyard. Children can be feeling big emotions and may need assistance in learning how to manage them.
Feelings and Emotions Begin Deep Inside The Brain.
There feelings and emotions can affect every part of their bodies. Let’s say they are laying in the grass and they see a really large spider right away the part of the brain called thalamus kicks in and directs the information from your eyes to your brain. Then another part of their brain called the hippocampus kicks in and makes the decision this is scary. Then their prefrontal cortex releases chemicals to make the child react to the threat. And the big finally their part of the brain called the hypothalamus is responsible for activating the alarm response. The alarm response are messages sent to their bodies to release stress hormones. Now they run away from the spider. Emotions can have your child reacting very quickly with a tenth of a second. Your body can respond faster than your thoughts. Signs of distress in children are a tense neck, jaw, shoulders, arms, hands, or chest, throat and tummy aches, heart rate increases, muscles can be sore. So I want to recommend teaching your children from a young age grounding techniques. Because when children age Stress and Anxiety are often the biggest obstacles when it comes to recovery as Adults.
4×4 Breathing Technique
You could start by teaching them the 4×4 method of breathing. To begin have them empty their lungs of air. Breathe in quietly through the nose 4 seconds. Hold the breath for a count of 7 seconds. Then exhale through the mouth making a “woosh” sound, for 8 seconds. Repeat the cycle up to four times. By teaching your children this you are helping them release neurotransmitters in their brain, many that trigger feel-good chemicals resulting in relaxation, happiness and pain reduction. “Enjoy the special time with your child”.
WISDOM COACH Kerrie
Copyright 2020 Kerrie Meunier, LittleDarlingsEmotionalHealing.com. All rights reserved.
“THE PRIMARY CAUSE OF UNHAPPINESS IS NEVER THE SITUATION BUT YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT IT”.– ECKART TOLLE
The Primary Cause of Unhappiness is Never The Situation But Your Thoughts About It.- ECKHART TOLE
“All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother”- Abraham Lincoln
With Mother’s Day just around the corner, Little Darling was getting very excited because she had saved up enough money to give her Mom a big surprise. Just a few days past she was at the hardware store with both her parents and Little Darling spotted the giant salt and pepper shakers.
Little Darling’s mother had been in such good spirits all week because her dad had bought her all new appliances for her kitchen. They were one of the latest colors, which were mustard yellow, avocado green, and barn red. Little Darling’s Mom picked mustard yellow. Her mom even got her first spanking new dishwasher. It was portable and even had a butcher block cutting board top. Little Darling knew her Mom had wanted a dishwasher for a very long time. It was so nice to see her Mom when she was happy.
As days went by Little Darling was having a hard time keeping her secret quiet. It took a lot of inner strength, but she did not tell her older sister. Little Darling finally thought she had found the perfect gift to make her mother smile on her special day. She hoped so much her mom would love her present even better than her older sister’s gift.
That same day her neighbor friend Barbara knocked on the door and was picking her up, so they could walk to the hardware store together. They both would pick out a gift for their mothers. They headed out on the four-block trek. Once they arrived at the store, it took Little Darling quite some time to decide on the perfect color for her mom. Her choices were mustard yellow, avocado green, or barn red. Finally, she picked the avocado green because the nice lady at the store said they would look lovely on the mustard yellow stove-top. The Shakers were large and had handles on them. Little Darling thought her mom would love them for cooking. The lady asked them if the items they picked out were gifts and they told her yes. She said since they are Mother’s day gifts she would wrap them extra special for them. Once the presents were wrapped the young girls put their gifts in there carry bags they had brought to hide there presents from their families The two girls had planned everything. The two girls thanked the nice lady and set out on their journey home.
Barbara and Little Darling were about two blocks from home when down Little Darling fell. She had tripped on the uneven sidewalk and skinned her knee in the fall. Little Darling was absolutely devasted, as her little pal and her opened up the package to access the damage. They discovered one shaker was cracked and broken. Heart Broken the little girls decided to go back to the store and tell the kind lady what had happened. Once back at the hardware store the lady said she did not have any more green shakers left but she had a red one that the match came in broken. when it was shipped. She told little Darling she could have it. The lady said Little Darling’s mom would like the set and it would look lovely in her kitchen. Little Darling was so grateful for the ladies’ help, she even special wrapped them once again. The girls thanked her once again and headed home.
Mother’s Day morning finally arrived and Little Darling was over the moon with excitement. She could not wait to see how surprised her mom would be when she opened the special gift. Little Darling’s mom was surprised, she asked Little Darling why they were different colors and why they did not match. Little Darling told her story with her family all around her. Her mother’s response has haunted the child within for many years. “Oh, Little Darling you are such a Klutz”. She can still hear her father and older sisters snickers.
We have all experienced shame in our lives, but not all have experienced debilitating shame. They are two different things. It is an isolating experience like this example that makes a person feel completely alone, rejected, and abandoned. Children depend on their parents for life support. As time goes on debilitating shame is a state of self-hate and self-devaluation that is comparable to little else. When Toxic Shame occurs all one’s vulnerabilities become exposed and magnified. Little children come to believe others in their world view them with disdain and disgust. All children just want to be accepted. It is very easy to make children feel like they are mistakes and failures and to feel isolated and is especially true if you have an emotionally sensitive child.
Just one anxious thought can spread throughout your mind and create a mountain out of a molehill. Your subconscious mind can control your thoughts and situations that you could manage in the past now make you worry!
A very special lady named Janice at the Misericordia Hospital in Edmonton Alberta told me about this special technique and, I want to share it with the world. All around us are people who suffer from panic attacks! We live in such a technical, stressful world and it affects us all every day. This simple but powerful technique will surprise you. It will provide you immediate relief and bring you back to a functional state. My research tells me it is called “The Dive Reflex Technique”. It is a method to calm down quickly and it really works because I have given it a go a few times now!. What it does is reset your nervous system when it is in an extremely heightened state of emotional arousal.
Fill a bowl with icy cold water
Bend and lean over it
Hold your breath
Put your face in the icy water for 30 seconds
Make sure to cover the area underneath your eyes and above your cheekbones. (This is the most sensitive part of your face).
This technique should calm you down immediately and it is very effective.
Another way to do this is to use an icy gel mask around the eye area, hold your breath, and bend over for 30 seconds.
There is a warning for people with heart problems. They should not do this technique because by activating the dive reflex it slows the heart rate.
Crazy as it all sounds, it does really work! It would be a good idea to educate your partner or someone close to you, so they also understand what to do if you are having an attack. It will benefit them to see it reduce your intense emotions and they will witness seeing your heart rate come down quickly.
Humans like other mammals have a Diving Response(Also known as the Mammalian Dive Response Reflex consisting of a set of reflexes that are activated when our face is cooled. Such has when our face hits the water in a dive or when we hold our breath. It is a clever way our body is able to manage and tolerate a lower level of oxygen.
Living with emotions associated with fear is paralyzing to ones nervous system and the greatest stumbling block to health in general. – Little Darling
I cry everyday for our children . We are all victims of adults with no morels all over the internet. Scams Scams Scams the headlines read. Let’s buy our child some more technology, so they can be lost in the jaws of this consuming dragon. Screen time is one of the biggest issues children are dealing with in society today. What happened??? We used to go to the beach , the park , the ocean a Sunday car ride. Now we are out shopping for how to remove spyware that has been embedded all over our computers. What is real what is fake , how can we tell? Everyone wants to make money stealing other peoples ideas. I cry for the children. What is spyware you ask,? If you don’t already know you should get educated if you dare turn on your phone, television, your Echo Alexa or even your apple watch. Spyware is being used by everyone from jealous spouses to our nations leaders. Spyware is a software that installs itself on your computer and starts monitoring everything you do, Let’s just put the gun of technology right into our child’s little hands. I will write about spyware later , I want to support the children. I want the children to have a voice. You are there mirror. They learn by example.
It is proven that children’s brains on screen time look a lot like children’s brains on heavy drugs. Scientists are just starting to discover what that means. They are researching what increased dopamine can do to the brain. Screen time is proven to flood a child’s brain with the same feel good chemicals as drugs. If you read the articles written by psychologists they are stating the dopamine from screens is increasing the demand for gratification. Electronics are keeping your child’s brain in a chronic state of hyper-arousal. Some of the many symptoms this state can cause is not being able to interact socially with other children, they are unable to regulate their emotions and need to self-soothe. Their growing brains start to crave more dopamine. It is a child addiction, just like any other substance abuse. Their brains start to crave more dopamine while producing less naturally ,which they need to self-regulate. Let’s just mix in a little genetics and see what we create. What will happen to them as the years keep passing them bye.
Let’s go out and buy them another game or toxin to regulate the child’s developing addiction. Gaming addiction is now classified as a Mental Health Disorder. Mental Health is sky rocketing. People are experiencing it younger and younger . Video gaming screen time can be as addicting as gambling or snorting cocaine. Could your child be addicted to screen time? Do you mirror this addiction ? Are you checking your email and phone every five minutes. Is your attention always on technology are you super engaged in it?
Let’s all work on limiting a child’s screen time. In todays technical world children are spending an average of seven hours a day looking at screens. Health experts are recommending parent’s limit screen time to no more than two hours a day. Younger children between the ages of 2-5 ,they are recommend only one hour of screen time. Children need to experience other things in their day. Two much screen time can also develop poor sleeping habits, less energy and less focus . It is known these children are more likely to have symptoms of depression and anxiety. This younger generation is becoming less healthy and less happy.
Copyright2020 Kerrie Meunier, Littledarlingsemotionalhealing.com All rights reserved.
As Louise Hay, one of my greatest mentor’s would say “I value my freedom, so I neither give nor receive a guilt.” A guilty mind is very destructive. Guilt damages your self-worth and erodes your self-respect. When you live a life filled with guilt, it will flow into all your relationships. Guilt is the feeling we have when we’ve done something wrong.
It all began for me when the adults in my life treated my curiosity about the world as inappropriate. I was ignored, hushed up and my questions did not matter. I was also shamed, which is feeling wrong for simply existing. I developed many guilty feelings without even knowing the cause. I gave up my normal childhood curiosity in exchange for inappropriate feelings about myself. It has taken me many years to understand as an adult, that as a child, I sacrificed my normal interests and growth by putting everyone else first. I was even feeling guiltly, for actions and people over which, I had absolutely no control, but somehow thought it was all my fault. The voices No, no, no!, “Don’t say that” “You are so Stupid” ” Why can’t you be like your sister” kept ringing and ringing in my head, over and over.
When you grow-up feeling guilty you create situations in your life in which you will be accused. You become defensive and you also can overcompensate by giving others to much. When you grow-up made to feel guilty it is very difficult to see anything good in yourself, so you are compelled to do more to try and prove your innocence. It is such a whirlwind because the more you do the more guilty you feel. I have failed many relationships in my life because I took on the guilt that it was all me when something went wrong. The alcoholic, narcissistic voices, I kept in my head have destroyed, so many years of my life.
Parental consistency is the key to achieving a proper sense of initiative. Many children in dysfunctional homes with no balance in rules or amount of permission learn to form patterns, such as mine becoming overly people-pleasing, resulting in the subjugation of a normal childhood. Another pattern can be another child can imitate the behavior that she observes in the adults around her. Needless to say, children learn coping skills and the foundation is laid for repeating the behaviors of inappropriate adult role models.
I have learned, I am not guilty! Maybe, I am right, maybe, I could have done many things throughout my life differently, but this does not mean, I have to give myself a life sentence or a life term of proving, I am good. I have learned how to remove guilt by acknowledging to myself, when I have done something wrong and when possible, I try to make amends. Once this is done, I know I can let myself off the hook. This means that I will no longer beat myself up forever like I was taught. I now know it is a learning experience for me and it teaches me to try to make better choices next time. I now see myself as guilt-free and am devoted to reclaiming the innocence of my heart. I am working very hard at trying to live a guilt-free life! I will leave you with these three affirmations.
“My heart and mind are now filled with my higher self and I am a mighty reflection of God’s Happiness”
“My higher self keeps me strong and provides me access to creative wisdom”
And as Lousie Hay would say to release guilt “I love and accept myself exactly as I am.”
Wisdom Coach Kerrie
Copyright2020 Kerrie Meunier, Littledarlingsemotionalhealing.com All rights reserved.
When fears are present, many parents try to be reassuring, telling their children not to be afraid. But for inexplicable reasons, a child may actually need to be afraid. It may be more helpful to say, “There aren’t any real tigers out there, but I understand you’re scared, and I’ll be here to keep you safe.” With reassurance like that, a child may feel strong enough to think about the “tiger’ and eventually tame it.
Parents and caregivers, it is important we teach children how to manage through anxiety and the fear they may be feeling at this time. In the Adventures in Wisdom Program that I am certified to teach, we show children how to experience fear and the steps for managing it, so your child can move through the fear and accomplish their goals.
As the situation around the COVID-19 (coronavirus) continues to evolve, and the World Health Organization declaring the outbreak of a pandemic, try and put yourself in your child’s shoes to see through their eyes and experience what they must be seeing at this difficult time. In a child’s eyes seeing all these people rushing around wearing face masks, the crazy line-ups, and bare shelves in the stores, no school or programs, listening to the news and always being told to keep your dirty fingers out of your mouth. You must really feel taken out of your comfort zone and that is a very normal feeling. So how do we help kids to start feeling braver? By taking the time and teaching them self-regulation is the key. Most adults practice this skill, without a thought. Kids take time to build this skill. As parents, we need to get comfortable with letting our children work through being uncomfortable as they figure things out. Give your child the opportunity to grow with support. If a child gets the message you will always be there to do the comforting, they are not learning it themselves.
Renaye Thornborrow creator of the Adventures in Wisdom Life Coaching Program for Kids put together a creative way for children to Slay the Dragons of fear. We the coaches that she has trained can show your children how to bust through fear, mistakes, failure, and change, so they can go for their dreams. I was drawn to this program because I strongly believe the importance of children learning emotional intelligence. Fear is an “emotional response to a perceived threat. I support the program because we can help children to burst out of their comfort zone which is an artificial boundary that we all create based on what we believe in what we can and can not do. Bursting through this comfort zone is the key that either pushes us through to achieve our dreams in life or holds us back from doing so.
As this crazy epidemic continues this is an ideal opportunity for us to show children how to manage anxiety and fear they may be experiencing right now. In the Wisdom program, children learn five key steps to managing fear and how to get through it so they can move strongly forward in life. Let’s turn this negative into a positive and teach children to Slay the Dragons of fear and grow to be healthy adults. Wishing you all health and safety as this situation unfolds.
Today is a new day, I will pick myself up dust my self off and start all over again. That is life for me living in “The Flight or Fight Syndrome.” I have spent the last 2 years trying to build my business to help others. I have invested all my savings into this business. I call”Little Darling’s Emotional Healing”. I have created it to provide a voice for children experiencing tough upbringings, emotional life experiences or trauma. I also became “Life Coach Kerrie “to help children grow to be healthy adults by teaching Mindset Development to children 6-12 years which are their developmental years. Yes, I live with Mental Health at no fault of my own. Mental Health, by the way, is like any other disease like diabetes, cancer and you get the picture, but it has a stigma attached to it. I had no control over it and it was caused by childhood trauma and a biochemical disposition passed down to me. It is not a fun way to live and until you are there you probably have a hard time understanding it. However, it has been proven that one in five people will experience a mental health problem at some point in their life. It could be you or your child next.
My Flight or Flight struck again two days ago when my computer was hacked, all my hard work was taken out of my website and re-arranged and my copy has been taken out and missing from the pages. My many hours of hard work and the cost just gone from my pages. The Hackers were even on my desk-top re-arranging my sidebar. I now have video screens that were added to my pages and big gaps with my missing content. Others were running video ads on my site. Yes, It that easy to get hacked! Now I am left to sort it out. I am just coming back to homeostasis, I have not slept much, my body and headache are starting to relax the sense of panic it moving on now.
Living in “The Flight-or-Fight Response” also called hyperarousal or the acute stress response should be sticking around my entire life. This physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceived harmful event, attack, or threat to survival. It was first described by Walter Bradford Cannon. His theory states that animals react to threats with a general discharge of the sympathetic nervous system, preparing the animal for fighting or fleeing.
What happens to a person when a threat like an attack or harmful event or threat to survival takes place our brain processes the signals, which then begins our amygdala and then the hypothalamus of our brain to kick in. From the brain off to our pituitary gland where cortisol and adrenaline are released into the nervous system. The physical effects can be increased heart rate, shaking, tunnel vision dilated pupils and dry mouth to name a few.
Trauma causes a person to live in “The Flight or Flight Mode”. It is like a battlefield within your own body. It changes your brain and the way you think. To live in a normal body with a plot that flows smoothly is only a dream. Trauma can leave traces on our minds, emotions and our immune systems. Something many people do not understand about traumatized people is if their stress hormones are triggered like yours and you both are being chased by a lion and you both getaway, it will take the traumatized person so much longer to return to normal. The scare would also spike their emotions much higher than yours. Sometimes it can take us a day or two to return to normal. Along with the many soldiers suffering from trauma from combat, there are many children with their lives being shattered just growing up in their family homes. This is so tragic, I myself want to see an end to. It is so difficult for children to recover from the source of terror of their own caretakers.
Then there are the people. The people in your day to day life. They see you functioning as a normal person in society, on the outside, so it is okay to treat you however they seem fit. No one really knows what other people may be going through. You could be the one to push them off the edge. You could be the last trigger that brings up within moments the memories and pain of the past. You are the lucky one your plot is smooth and you have not lived in the pain, you are not stuck in Flight or Fight or had to have a taste of it or live with it. Please try to understand that something that happened ten years ago can be triggered. The frantic alarm system can go off and the sensations, sounds and images all can be activated within moments and the sensations come-up ten times the extent of what yours might be in comparison. We are all “One” and we we all be going to the same place in the end. If we start to educate ourselves and life with compassion, life for us all would be so much brighter. Human suffering is related to love and loss.
Mental Health is when we find balance in all aspects of our Life,